


Someone

by goodwineandcheese



Category: Monster
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drabble, Gen, Introspection, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 17:29:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16497017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodwineandcheese/pseuds/goodwineandcheese
Summary: Wolfgang Grimmer survived Ruhenheim and reflects on himself. Who he was, who he is, and who he will be.





	Someone

**Author's Note:**

> Hm, so I guess you could call this a character study? Idk, it's just some kind of introspective thing about Grimmer from his own viewpoint. You could also sort of call this an opinion piece, since it's how I interpret Grimmer. 
> 
> It's a bit all over the place, since it was written as a stream of consciousness piece. Also it doesn't address Steiner at all - this is more just about Grimmer and his self-identity.

I seem to find myself alive.

It’s unexpected, and a bit strange...but I certainly can’t complain. I would accept death, if it came to that, but I suppose I’m being told that now isn’t my time.

I’m glad...not particularly for my own sake, but rather for Wim’s...it seems especially sad, to think that the boy’s final memory of me would be something so unhappy. I’m glad for whatever miracle allowed me to live. Tenma, Wim and I...will have that picnic, on a warm and pleasant day under a blue sky. A much happier memory for all, I think.

The good doctor told me about what happened, the rest of the events in Ruhenheim. In my position, most would probably be angry or frustrated, to learn that Bonaparta was killed. Despite what I had told him, what I wanted, what I promised, he still refused to listen and was shot for his trouble. Even in those last moments for us both, he denied me. But I suppose I’m not surprised, he denied so many children their humanity, their hearts; pretend though he might to be a better man, he chose not to face the weight of what he had done. That’s the sort of man that he is...or, _was_ , I suppose.

The proper response is to be angry I think...after all, I fought to protect that man, to have him expose the truth to the world. But, I feel nothing, not really. No piece of my heart acknowledges him, not even rage. That man isn’t worth my anger. 

I find it difficult to think of him and imagine a human being. He made us cease to exist. Taking away our names, our memories, our emotions...it’s difficult to imagine that a human could erase another of his kind. Yet that man erased so many.

I don’t know the boy who attended Kinderheim 511. I suppose he was me, at one time, but it’s difficult to think that’s true now, when so much has changed. There are pieces, enough to remind me of my past self, but that boy and Wolfgang Grimmer are no longer the same. I was created from the husk of what that child had been.

I wonder what that boy would have grown up to be, in a world with no Kinderheim. If I could, I would like to know him. 

I think he would have grown up with love, both given and received. He had a mother and father, who would nurture his heart and help him to understand it. One day he would have his own children and feel all the joys and sorrows that came with such a miraculous responsibility. 

The life of that boy was taken, and Wolfgang Grimmer was built in his place. "Wolfgang Grimmer" was a phantom designed to fill a role, a piece that served a particular purpose in a much larger scheme that he could not see, not then. He was no one, and so he could put on a mask and become anyone. He could vanish, for he never existed.

But something happened, somewhere along the line.

Wolfgang Grimmer became human.

I think it began after the death of my son. When I began my journey through the past, to learn and understand. That was when I started to remember pieces of the boy, fragments of what he saw in that place. When I began to uncover as much of Kinderheim as I could.

It’s strange, to become a spectator to a life you don’t remember. I was there, I lived such a life, and yet I can only see it through the lens of an observer. But, I can only learn so much; even with all that I’ve found over the years, I’ll probably never know who that boy was. That human has definitely ceased to exist, locked in memory. Wolfgang Grimmer was merely fabricated in his skin.

I could continue to be no one, if I chose. But I think...I would rather be _someone_. I choose to take what I lost, and what I was made to be, and turn it into something more. So who is it that I am...?

“Wolfgang Grimmer” is a tall skinny man with a big smile. He enjoys picnics very much, especially in good company. He likes long walks in the wilderness, and fishing, and taking in the world around him. He likes to relax and enjoy life, rather than speed his way through it. He cares very much about children, and their happiness. He is warm and friendly.

Those are all things I decided. That’s the type of person that Wolfgang Grimmer is. But, what makes him _human_ is more than that...all I’ve done really is to create a character, a persona. But why it is that I am human...I can’t take credit for that. The ones who made me human are those who have memories of me….who think and talk about me...who like me. The boys in Prague...Wim...Suk, Tenma and Lunge…I have them to thank.

I didn’t understand at first, how it could be that anyone would want to remember me...why it was they liked me. I wasn't anyone, not really...so how I could have left such an impression...that was difficult to grasp. But, I understand now, at least to some degree. They have always viewed me as someone who exists. To them, Wolfgang Grimmer is no less a person than they themselves. They have fond memories of me...create an image of me within their hearts...and it’s through those memories that Wolfgang Grimmer becomes human. I do exist, to them. 

I don’t know who I was, not really. But I know that parts of that boy are part of me.

I had a mother.

I had a father.

I would like to believe I had been loved. 

I think that it’s true, that everyone is loved in some way, and wanted. Part of life is the journey...is finding those people...the ones who want and love you. Perhaps the parents of my old self were among the people who loved me. I'm not sure. He would know, if only I could ask him. But, the people who love Wolfgang Grimmer, and who Wolfgang Grimmer loves…

I loved my friend, that one fond memory of that place.

I loved my son, the most delicate of human lives I had ever held.

I wish I could say that I loved my wife. I made a cruel error, marrying her for the reasons I did. But even so we created such a precious human life...and if we could both love that boy...then I think there is a part of me that could love her, if not in the way that she wished.

They are the people that I loved, and that I think loved me. They're gone now, but I haven’t reached the end of my journey. There are new faces now, new people. New connections to be nurtured. I think that with time there can be love...even now, there can still be love. 

I’m certain there are others...children, like me...like that boy. I’d like to help them understand. I hope I can teach them that they’re not alone...that in the world, there is someone who wants to meet them, who will smile when they see them in a way they wouldn’t smile for anyone else. Everyone is wanted by someone. I want those children to know. I’d like to show them, with the time I was given. 

My life isn’t over, I was allowed to keep living. I can be anyone I’d like, now.

I choose to be “Wolfgang Grimmer”.

I don’t know who he is entirely, there are still things I need to learn...but he's definitely _someone_.

 _I_ am someone.

**Author's Note:**

> Well there's something I guess...idk, I just got going on an introspective thing and figured I'd post it for interest's sake.


End file.
